Travel, wanderlust, new experiences, interesting cultures and moments that will change your life. These are the kind of things that travel lovers and perpetual nomads sprout all the time, attempting to inspire you to ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ or something like that. I mean sure, if you want fulfilment and to build your own sense of self-worth, travel might be the cure. But here are 10 reasons NOT to travel to give you some balance.

1. Eating the same food is better for digestion

From fragrant curries to Parisian pastries, they are all a cover for communism and the inevitable hipster takeover. Don’t believe the hype, new food is overrated! Knowing what you are going to eat (preferably at the same time each day) will only make you stronger. Some people get their kicks from experimenting with new types of food, finding new flavours which rock their world and relish the taste of exotic delights. Don’t fool yourself though, toasted cheese really is where it’s at…

2. Keeping a job you hate is better than visiting far off places

Some people dream of surfing in remote destinations, others getting lost along cobblestone streets in small Italian villages. But I prefer the safety of my cubicle. Here, I am king. My friends tell me about the white washed walls of the Greek Islands, or the stunning architecture in Barcelona, New York or other cities. But I can’t leave. I’ve just now found the right height and elevation for my chair relative to my desk and it will be a cold day in hell before I let that kind of achievement get overshadowed by dreams of a nomadic existence.

3. New friends will change you

Think that Samba dancing instructor guy from Brazil is pretty cool? Or that French backpacker who travels the world as a wildlife photographer would be a great person to know? Think again. To be friends with these people would only force you to be more interesting, more sociable and get out of your comfortable, bland existence. Resist this temptation. You’ve put a lot of effort into being average and you would throw that all away to have cocktails with a circus hand in a Spanish beach bar? Count me out…..

4. Minimalism is for poor people

Travellers pack light. You will hear them talk about how they “carry their worldly value in their hearts” rather than storing up fortunes which will not make them happy. These same people will tell you how they are ‘time-rich’ and their lives don’t revolve around money. WRONG! The equation is simple: if you have less stuff, you are poorer. Hoard, be happy and die amongst the ten thousand playing cards you’ve collected…..

5. Cultural interaction is overrated

Sitting there in Granada, Spain and witnessing a traditional flamenco show, the tone and passion of the art is immediately apparent. The rhythm of the guitar and the mesmerising dance will capture the attention of even the laziest traveller, forcing them to divert their eyes from Facebook for a couple of minutes. But getting lost in that beautiful moment will cheapen the overwhelming joy of watching the finale of the Bachelor, or religiously following insert-your-nation-here Idol or the latest reality tv show. Remember, nothing screams patriotism like never leaving your country!

6.  The secret is out, being stationary is in

Whoever said “a change is as good as a holiday” got it wrong. SO WRONG.

1. Holidays are not good: you lose time, you lose money, get sore feet, get sunburnt, and have to put up with other tourists, who, believe it or not, are more annoying than you. But if that’s not enough to sway you, the airlines will go out of their way to screw up your carefully made travel plans by cancelling your flight, losing your luggage or driving a wedge between you and your other half by bumping you up to business class and leaving them behind in economy – something your “loved one” will never let you forget (It’s been 11 years babe, let it go).
2.  Change is not good either. It’s unpredictable and often leads to spontaneous bouts of back patting and talk of self-improvement. You’ve worked so hard to perfect the mundane and predictable person you are, don’t throw that away.

The main reason so many people insist you travel is to see the sites of the world, broaden your horizons and grow as a person. People get impassioned about the snow-capped peaks of Kilimanjaro, the stunning Taj Mahal or the mystery of the lost city of Angkor Wat. But really, if Angkor Wat is ‘the Lost City’, how do people even keep going there?

7. There are many paths to self-fulfilment

Self-discovery. What. Even. Is. That. Some travelling hipster-yogi once said “travel opens the mind to the wonders of the self”. I don’t even understand what that means let alone how to find it. So instead of finding who I am as a person or learning to love myself, I’ve settled for the small wins. Like finally moulding the indent on the couch to the exact shape of my behind. You want to know what ‘finding yourself’ feels like, try that….

8. You can ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ at home

It’s called Netflix, get on to it some time. I also watch the Travel Channel. I’m practically Sir David Attenborough.

9. Travel is time consuming

Why would I spend 36+ hours stuck in a cramped flying contraption, which for the life of me I still can’t understand how it stays in the air that long, practically getting to second base with the overweight and sweaty passenger next to me (with a weak bladder I might add), transiting through 3 different airports, crossing 3 different time zones only to arrive jetlagged, malnourished, sleep deprived and dehydrated, just so I can stand atop the Eiffel tower at night and gaze out at the city, or stand upon the steps of the Roman senate, where Julius Ceaser was assassinated. Please. Ain’t nobody got time for dat.

10. Everyone speaks English anyway……..

This is the one which really bothers me. Why should I have to speak another language to get the ‘authentic’ travel experience? Oh sure, you might feel great chatting away to a bullfighter in Spain, a Buddhist monk in Thailand or the local Greek fish monger in their native languages. Hell, you might even think you’re becoming ‘one of the locals’ and find hidden gems of restaurants, sights or cultural experiences off the beaten track. Well, you can keep your self-righteous bilingualism and I’ll stick to Google Translate.

So there you have it, 10 of the best reasons not to travel the world. My solemn wish is for you to stay immobile, inflexible and boring in lieu of travelling the world.

Guy and Kim-ling are travel bloggers living in Spain who hate their nomadic existence and are looking for a big break into the cubicle world.

Leave us a comment below with your reasons to travel – or not to!